Every action has a reaction - More straight talking from Phoebe Buckley. 

Hey guys, so I’m back…. You know the drill… Time to go make a cup of tea and get comfy, this blog is a long one!!! Also might be worth putting a seat belt on, as this could well be an explosive and uncomfortable read… For some...

So, as you all know my blogs are written (usually badly) about things I experience, that I think you lot can relate to. The one thing that has changed the most in my life in recent years is the amount of horses I ride and compete. Not so long ago I would of come under the ‘professional rider banner’ - not anyone. Now I ride and compete just one horse. Do I mind? Not one bit... But, it is a new experience that I’m just getting used to - if I cock up, I don’t get another go at getting it right. Last week I went SJ’ing, and to be brutally honest I rode badly… Nothing went right and I drove back to the yard feeling very deflated. I really wasn’t sure if I could be a ‘one horse rider’. That evening I went to the pub with a couple of friends and had a brilliant night, and you know what? My mood lifted, because nothing lasts forever. I left the pub feeling like a idiot for being so hard on myself - I’m human… I get to mess up now and again but there is always another day because nothing, good or bad lasts forever.

The next day I heard the dreadful news that a young trainer had taken his life. It made my ‘wallowing in self pity because I rode badly’ episode the previous day seem very very petty. By all accounts this young man was a top class bloke, with a loving family and a successful and busy business. What really hit a cord with me was reading his wife’s statement. The brutally honest words of a woman who had lost her soul mate, husband, best friend and father of her child to mental illness. Because I’ve been there, and if we are all honest I’m sure many of us have been in a situation where ‘me not being here’ has, even if only for a split second looked a easier way out. Sadly some of us aren’t able to look for the light at the end of the tunnel, because nothing lasts forever and that’s the point. No matter how bad things are, there will always be a light. That light might be one person that loves you, a horse that excites you or even a pet that needs you to look after them. As someone who has experienced the darkest of times, I promise there is always light... The easiest way to find it is to TALK. Alone is a very dark place and very few of us actually are, we just choose to be. Choose to be light, TALK to someone and be someone people can talk to. You never know, you might just change a life.

Whilst all that very sad news was filtering though, a totally non related video went viral on social media. It was a video of a girl riding a dressage test. A video I’d like to add that hadn’t been shared (from what I could tell) by her. I was and still am astonished at the comments made on the video. - Talk about ripping this poor girl apart, limb by limb! Now, I’m not saying this girl was a Carl Hester in the making and yes, it was slightly uncomfortable viewing. But what shocked me was the fact that in one breath people were saying more needs to be done to help people with depression and in the very next breath they were ripping in to this person who they had never me and had no idea or context as to how the video came about... My first thoughts when I saw the video were these – 1. Why didn’t the judge stop her? I hope someone helps her improve and understand what is and isn’t acceptable, and, 2. The fact that the horse looked well, looked after in great condition and that he looked more annoyed at her than scared. Again I’m not excusing what she was doing but to be honest- she looked very ineffective to me.

"People in glass houses shouldn’t throw house bricks and be mindful because one day someone may just unload a video of you not at your best, for the grace of God, go I."

Now, what I found even more astonishing was the amount of professional riders having their pound of flesh off this girl. I wanted to ask them how they would feel if someone videoed them having a ‘off’ day or ‘squaring’ a horse up and posted it on social media for everyone to put their pennies worth in.

Show me any rider, especially a professional one, that tells you they haven’t been tough on a horse, lost their temper or gone too far with a horse and later regretted it and I’ll show you a liar.

I wonder how many takers I would get if I invited everyone that commented mean things on that video to come mid week jumping with me? I promise you that we would witness some horses being ridden in an over bent outline, with drawreins on, being pulled around and being jabbed with spurs. Then I'd want them to go say the same kind of things they wrote but to the riders in person… Wonder how many would?

Have I ever had to be tough on a horse? Yes. Have I regretted it?.. In some cases, yes, in some, no – because in most cases it was the making of the horse. Brutal but true. Us professional riders and I’m sure a lot of amateur riders are fully aware of the riders that are tougher on their horses, why don’t we all go posting on their social media telling them how crap they are????? Or better still go up to them in person… You know why we don’t? Because it has nothing to do with us and trolls pick their victims, usually from behind a computer screen. Brutal but true.

My final point – Imagine if the rider in that video took her life over the public humiliation she has been put though? If you commented on that video, imagine if it was YOUR comment that pushed her over the edge. Would if be worth it? Worth you putting your 5p’s of unwanted and unhelpful criticism in for?

So remember – every action has a reaction. People in glass houses shouldn’t throw house bricks and be mindful because one day someone may just unload a video of you not at your best, for the grace of God, go I.

Over and out..

P x

Re-published with kind permission from Phoebe Buckley|Blog



Published in Trot On Blogs

British eventer Phoebe Buckley talks frankly about her coaching and the thinking behind it.

I am sure you are all wondering why the hell am I am back? Don’t worry you lot aren’t alone! I am asking myself the very same question as I sit hear headphones on, drinking coffee, trying to spell and grammar check as I write!!! Truth is I have missed writing. But that isn’t why I’m back… And this is very much a one off, I promise!!

It is very hard to believe I started writing blogs over 3 years ago and wrote my last blog nearly 7 months ago. The reaction my ramblings received from you amazing people blew my mind! From the blogs I have been offered work writing regular blogs and even articles for several magazines, crazy hey?!?!?

At the weekend I got asked about my coaching and my thinking behind the way I coach. I waffled on about some crap because I wanted to get off the subject of me. Those that know me well will be able to tell you that whilst I can tell a good story, I actually hate talking about me. Mostly because I am very uninteresting.. But also because I’ve learnt that you learn less from talking and more from listening, even if what you learn isn’t knowledge.

Sometimes what you learn about the person you are by listening to talk, is invaluable.

But having waffled on about some crap and swiftly getting off the subject of me, I couldn’t stop thinking about the thinking behind my coaching... What is it I do?

I know I have the reputation (please don’t think I am being arrogrant when I say this) of getting people and horses to achieve things they would never have believed was possible. But how? This is what I came up with and what I wished I had the courage to say at the weekend…

Its all about balance. In every sense of the word.

• The first thing I look for when I meet new people or horses is confidence, how do they carry themselves? Do they sit or stand square and do they look me in the eye with confidence? That’s the first balance I have to tip…

If the balance of confidence isn’t tipped towards the positive side you are fighting a losing battle. I often tell unconfident people who I am coaching, to look me in the eye whilst talking and to stop looking like an apology. -  You won’t get very far in any walk of life without confidence. Full stop.

• Then I look at how brave they are, this balance is (IMO) the most important. Bravery comes in all forms, I’m not talking about someone who is gung ho and happy to gallop flat out everywhere! I’m talking about if someone/a horse is brave enough to listen and push themselves out of their comfort zone if I tell them to. If they will grab the bull by the horns and have a go.

• Then I move on to looking at their actual balance, you don’t have to be a great or even a good rider but if you have good balance and don’t interfere a horse can do its job. Some people naturally have it, some have to work at it.

• Then I go on to attitude, a good attitude is invaluable. A bad attitude is easily got rid of.. Either the person/horse changes it or they leave. Simples.

So there it is... My ground rules for not only coaching but LIFE.

Be confident, you’ll get nowhere in life not being confident. And if you aren’t confident, pretend you are and wing it. It’s what most people do.

Be brave, you’ll regret the times you weren’t brave far more than the times you’ll regret being brave. Trust me I know, this weekend I was on a bad stride to the last  fence after a foot perfect round on the xc, every ounce of me screamed be brave, slip your reins and kick. I didn’t.. I wasn’t brave, I held on to nothing and hoped for the best.. And we fell.. Don’t be me, be brave.. Don’t fall and if you do fall, fall trying.

Have balance, life is about balance.. Sometimes it isn’t easy to manage, but practice makes perfect. Play as much as you work, it’s more important than you will believe.

Keep a check of your attitude and the attitude of people around you. If it isn’t good, change it or get rid. Nothing good came from having a bad attitude. Fact.

So remember life is to short to not be confident, not be brave, not have balance in your life or a good attitude… Oh and also bad sex, coffee, men and horses…

Over and out all, until next time. Take care XX
P
Re-published with kind permission from Phoebe Buckley|Blog
Published in Articles

British eventer Phoebe Buckley talks frankly about her coaching and the thinking behind it.

I am sure you are all wondering why the hell am I am back? Don’t worry you lot aren’t alone! I am asking myself the very same question as I sit hear headphones on, drinking coffee, trying to spell and grammar check as I write!!! Truth is I have missed writing. But that isn’t why I’m back… And this is very much a one off, I promise!!

It is very hard to believe I started writing blogs over 3 years ago and wrote my last blog nearly 7 months ago. The reaction my ramblings received from you amazing people blew my mind! From the blogs I have been offered work writing regular blogs and even articles for several magazines, crazy hey?!?!?

At the weekend I got asked about my coaching and my thinking behind the way I coach. I waffled on about some crap because I wanted to get off the subject of me. Those that know me well will be able to tell you that whilst I can tell a good story, I actually hate talking about me. Mostly because I am very uninteresting.. But also because I’ve learnt that you learn less from talking and more from listening, even if what you learn isn’t knowledge.

Sometimes what you learn about the person you are by listening to talk, is invaluable.

But having waffled on about some crap and swiftly getting off the subject of me, I couldn’t stop thinking about the thinking behind my coaching... What is it I do?

I know I have the reputation (please don’t think I am being arrogrant when I say this) of getting people and horses to achieve things they would never have believed was possible. But how? This is what I came up with and what I wished I had the courage to say at the weekend…

Its all about balance. In every sense of the word.

• The first thing I look for when I meet new people or horses is confidence, how do they carry themselves? Do they sit or stand square and do they look me in the eye with confidence? That’s the first balance I have to tip…

If the balance of confidence isn’t tipped towards the positive side you are fighting a losing battle. I often tell unconfident people who I am coaching, to look me in the eye whilst talking and to stop looking like an apology. -  You won’t get very far in any walk of life without confidence. Full stop.

• Then I look at how brave they are, this balance is (IMO) the most important. Bravery comes in all forms, I’m not talking about someone who is gung ho and happy to gallop flat out everywhere! I’m talking about if someone/a horse is brave enough to listen and push themselves out of their comfort zone if I tell them to. If they will grab the bull by the horns and have a go.

• Then I move on to looking at their actual balance, you don’t have to be a great or even a good rider but if you have good balance and don’t interfere a horse can do its job. Some people naturally have it, some have to work at it.

• Then I go on to attitude, a good attitude is invaluable. A bad attitude is easily got rid of.. Either the person/horse changes it or they leave. Simples.

So there it is... My ground rules for not only coaching but LIFE.

Be confident, you’ll get nowhere in life not being confident. And if you aren’t confident, pretend you are and wing it. It’s what most people do.

Be brave, you’ll regret the times you weren’t brave far more than the times you’ll regret being brave. Trust me I know, this weekend I was on a bad stride to the last  fence after a foot perfect round on the xc, every ounce of me screamed be brave, slip your reins and kick. I didn’t.. I wasn’t brave, I held on to nothing and hoped for the best.. And we fell.. Don’t be me, be brave.. Don’t fall and if you do fall, fall trying.

Have balance, life is about balance.. Sometimes it isn’t easy to manage, but practice makes perfect. Play as much as you work, it’s more important than you will believe.

Keep a check of your attitude and the attitude of people around you. If it isn’t good, change it or get rid. Nothing good came from having a bad attitude. Fact.

So remember life is to short to not be confident, not be brave, not have balance in your life or a good attitude… Oh and also bad sex, coffee, men and horses…

Over and out all, until next time. Take care XX
P
Re-published with kind permission from Phoebe Buckley|Blog
Published in Trot On Blogs

Some honest, straight talking as Phoebe Buckley reflects on her equestrian career.

So here we are again, you guys are about to read a blog I’ve written whilst I wait with bated breath for feed back from you all…

I always worry how you guys will react to my blogs. I am very aware my blogs are not the ‘usual’ type of blog. Also, I worry my blogs are too much like me! - Too honest, too close to the bone and to the point... But this blog is different. Not only will it be my last ever blog, but I know this blog is too honest. I know it is too close to the bone and I know it is to the point! But sod it, I may as well go out with a bang shouldn’t I?! So pull up a chair guys, because this will be a very long read...

Over the last couple of years two of close friends have a) unfairly lost the ride on a horse or have b) unfairly lost their job which included all rides on horses that came with it. Just like that, BOOM!.. Carpet pulled from underneath them, both friends privately turned to me. At the time I didn’t really understand why. But now I think I know why, because they knew I would be a 100% honest with them. If they had deserved it I would have said as much... I remember one conversation that went a long the lines of ‘Phoebe, did I deserve to lose that horse? Me – 'No you didn’t, don’t get me wrong you can be a t**t but the owner is a c**t and you don’t want to work or ride for people like that. The end, now move on.’

Recently a friend went through a similar thing and it brought memories back of having to watch people you care about being treated badly, and just how mistrustful it can make people. But worse than that, it brought back memories of how badly I felt I was treated by someone right at the start of my career, and how without a shadow of a doubt that experience changed and the path I took with my career.

I will never ever forget being a keen 19yr old event rider and being told I would get to ride on one of the best event horses on the circuit. Excited doesn’t even cover it. You see despite what I say.. I used to LOVE eventing. I remember at the tender age of 15 planning how I was going to Badminton event by event! So imagine my delight when I was offered a horse that had been 8th at Burghley. Yes, he had had 2 years off with leg problems but I didn’t care. I knew just how lucky I was and I adored the bear bones of the horse. Our first season went fantastically well and we aimed at a Autumn 3 day with the plan of really giving the young rider team a proper go the following season. So can you imagine how I felt when I found out at our Autumn 3 day that, whilst watching me trot up, someone heavily involved with the young rider system was slagging me and my wonderful horse off! He was helped in the bitch fest by a groom of one of the other people who would be aiming at the young rider team the following season. And my crime that meant I deserved this public hanging? It was is just because I had been given the ride on this horse. It destroyed me... I didn’t poach the ride, I didn’t go ringing up the owner trying to nick the ride in anyway. He had been in the field with leg problems, my owner had been asked by his owner if she knew of a young rider who might like the ride, and thankfully my wonderfully loyal owner jumped at the chance to have him. She ran him as her own horse for me to ride. And because of that I was being ripped to pieces. From that moment on I promised myself I would never ever get involved on a friendship level with anyone from eventing. If the powers that be felt it was acceptable to stand and rip me to pieces in public, they were not the sort of people I wanted to be involved with... And I’m worse than an elephant. I never ever forget...

However time heals wounds and by the following season I had mellowed out about it all. My dream horse was on fire that season. We won first time out and kept up our fantastic form all season. However, midway through that season it happened again. I over heard a ‘power that be’ slagging me and my wonderful horse off. This happened just before Bramham. I went to Bramham crushed but also so angry. Needless to say I went there with a point to prove, and a massive chip developing on my shoulder! That week I did a masterful job of steering my wonderful horse vaguely in the right direction in each phase, and he did an even more masterful job of not only putting up with my crap steering, but of also somehow looking after me and also managing to win. In the moment following the prize giving I was happy to draw a line through my dream of being on the young rider team.

From my first BE Novice and Burghley pony club jumping in 2001 to Burghley proper and top 20 finish 5 years later...

I loved the idea of eventing to the highest level and representing my country, but I didn’t like the reality of having to 'deal with' and 'be nice' to people who such horrid narrow minded views.- People I frankly thought were ar*ses.

I did in fact go to the young rider European Championship... We won gold and my wonderful horse was the best British horse. I went to the championships with an awful outlook. I went there for my owner and my horse, not because I wanted to be on a team. I just wanted to make sure my horse and I got to be the best British combination. We did that, I had an ok time and I just hope I did my horse, my owner and my mum (who came to watch) proud.

Anyone that knows me will tell you I’m all about everyone one else. I adore helping and encouraging others… I would have loved nothing more than to have felt I could have truly been part of my team, but how could I when I had to sit across a table from a groom and a person in a position of power that had not only slagged me off, but also had openly joked about me being a dirty pikey! So I did what I do best… Get angry then just shut myself off from the world.

Fast forward a few years and...

Not so long ago I lost the ride on a horse I felt I shouldn’t have. I was told it was all a genuine mix up... Then soon after that, the same owner bought the rider they had given my ride to a super smart horse to ride. That was some bitter pill to swallow! But I have (hopefully) not complained about it to much for several reasons.

I love the idea of having a big, busy event yard with loads of horses and going back to being that 19yr old with dreams far bigger than her actual talent. But, I don’t like the reality of that in order to have that big busy yard, I will have to deal with people that aren’t loyal and think it’s ok to take horses away from you when they shouldn’t. And to have to put up with people talking about you because they have decided you are beneath them, and that someone who rides as badly as you shouldn’t have rides on nice horses. Don’t get me wrong these people are a minority not a majority... But still, eventing is in my experience dog eat dog and as the old saying goes – if you can’t stand the heat get out the kitchen. I never liked cooking that much anyways…

I took a step back from eventing about 3 years ago and I have to say I’m happier than ever.

My 'boys'.

I love the reality of my life... And I like the idea of changing it. Until that balance changes, I shall stay as I am – a random blonde girl who talks to much, laughs at her own jokes, has a couple of event horses that she adores riding. Has a million fantastic people she loves teaching more than words can say, has a few select friends she misses more than she’d ever tell them when they aren't around to either try and force feed me gin or let me drive over speed bumps at a million miles an hour, and one very loyal owner that never ever makes her question if she will lose the ride on any of her horses…

Life is so very short…

Love your reality more than you like the idea you don’t have. Don’t complain about something you don’t have but aren’t prepared to do what needs doing to have it, and remember sometimes being a majority is better than being the minority.

Stay safe, be lucky and if you can’t do those two, then just make sure you are having fun whilst you are being unlucky and unsafe. - There is a positive in every negative if you look hard enough...

Over and out all...

Phoebe, Champ and Custard Xx

Re-published with kind permission from Phoebe Buckley|Blog

 


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Phoebe Buckley shares her views... on social media, Rio 2016 and her new steed, Custard.

So I’m back, it’s been a while. But it is that time again! So put the kettle on, pull up a chair and get ready to be bored!!!

I actually sat down to write a blog posting about 4 weeks ago, but truth be known when I started writing I didn’t have much interesting to say! Then about a week ago I came across a interesting post on a social media. It was a post about about horses and riders being allowed to run a levels they may not be ready to run at… Anyways.. Within that post some comments brought up a ride a pro rider had given a horse at a fence at a major event. I won’t bore you all with the ins and outs of it but basically the horse ended up jumping in the ditch in front of the fence and fired the poor rider over its head. Now, what got me most interested was the fact that some other pro riders were commenting about it and they were being pretty harsh about the way the rider in question rode the fence. Being nosey, I was about to try and find the fall/UR in question. That was until someone kindly posted the video!

When I clicked on the video I was half wincing as to what horrific riding I was about to see, but then came the shock... I didn’t see horrific riding, in fact I didn’t even see bad riding. So I watched the video over and over. Truth be told, I couldn’t see one thing the rider did wrong. So I did what I do, I said as much on the post! The rider in question is one of the best riders in the world, he was riding a very experienced but difficult horse that has been known to ’empty out’ towards the end of courses. But the horse and rider combination have been very successful together, they had done a leading dressage mark and SJ’d clear. The rider was kicking on to a big open ditch/brush fence and was on (from what I saw) a perfectly decent stride when the horse just jumped in to the ditch. The horse didn’t falter, didn’t check its self looking unsure of the stride it was on. It simply took off and instead of jumping over the ditch and fence it jumped in to the ditch instead.

I wasn’t at all shocked by people on social media being mean about the rider. Hell, I’ve seen riders ripped apart on social media for less! But what did shock me was the people that were having their ten pence worth. They were pro riders, who I’m sure at some point have ridden a fence badly or ridden a fence really well only for their horse for unknown reasons put in a shocking jump. As pro riders we have to be very careful about publicly calling out other riders for mistakes they make (not that I believe the rider in question made a mistake) because it leaves us very open. I asked if any of the riders commenting had ever made a mistake? Or had a horse let them down? None of them responded to me, I asked the question because I know damned well they have, because I’ve seen the mistakes with my own eyes.. I am the first to say if I feel someone, pro rider or not, has ridden well or badly. I am very open about the mistakes I make, mainly because I want people that follow me to know that even us so called pro’s f*ck it up every now and again, I am also very open when for whatever my horses don’t go well. Sometimes horses just don’t play ball – doesn't mean you haven’t done your home work or put in the right amount of effort. But what I try to not and hope I don’t do is publicly judge them, because I am very aware of the saying 'For the grace of God go I'. So pro riders, how about us sticking together? No bull shit needed, but no public hanging either, that is of course unless you are perfect? And can say you’ve never got it wrong?

It’s just I hear replacing glass in green houses is expensive...

So, that brings me nicely on to my next subject!   RIO... Having got my love for eventing back I watched Rio closely, after all I have 2 horses that will be ready to win gold in 4 years time so I wanted to find out what I was in for!

Having watched from the get go I had one overwhelming feeling... That feeling was disappointment. Half of our team were off the pace in the dressage and scored well below what they had been producing here, then we (barring 1 rider) looked out of our depth on the xc. Yes we show jumped well, but so we should have...

I then watched while social meda went in to melt down on the day of xc. Again what interested me was just how negative and plain rude people were being about the riders. Let’s be frank now – it’s simple, we did under achieve. But do people honestly think that those riders out in Rio didn’t try their best?! Of course they did. But for what ever reason we aren’t consistently hitting the mark at championship level. Can anyone honestly say the funding programme is working? We have world class riders and horses so why aren’t they performing at world class level when we really need them to? We have to face the fact that we have not and do not perform consistently on the same high level as the other ‘top’ eventing nations when it comes to the championships, despite the fact we are the hub for eventing - riders come to this country to be based for training and that’s not bringing in to account our lottery funding program. Hopefully this is the reality check we need so the powers that be can get us back to being the country others fear and when the xc gets tough we shine, not fall apart. But please don’t pull apart our riders, they were out there in RIO doing their best, their best ‘should’ be good enough. It’s down to team GB to change the ‘should’ in to ‘is’.

Whilst we are talking of Olypmics...

I have my 2 horses all lined up, one is the son of a Little Tiger by Jaguar Mail. The other is a funny little narrow bright chestnut with 4 white socks, blaze and belly called Custard.

Custard was given to me by my best friend. She is a racing manager for an amazing lady and when their horses have finished their racing career they make sure they get good and permanent homes. Custard is a very odd character! He struggles with life slightly, but there has always been something about him I love. This summer I have finally had time to start his eventing career, from the second he left the ground I simply thought wow! For all Custard can’t cope with - lots of aspects of every day life, my goodness he is classy… For Custard flat work, jumping and being brave xc comes very naturally to him. What doesn’t come naturally to him is believing in himself. That is were my job has come in - I have spent the last 6 weeks building him up and showing him just how great he is and my gosh he is seriously finding his feet! Custard has made me remember that I have a knack with horses that need a friend, also that seeing the obvious talent isn’t hard. It’s seeing and working with talent that’s buried away that is a whole lot harder. Do I think Custard will honestly get to Toyko? Hand on heart – yes I do. Am I mad? Stupid? Delusional? Probably all of those things.. But if I don’t believe in him he certainly won’t believe in himself!

My little chestnut ex race horse is going to Toyko. Simple. I have made our plan, we shall stick to it and we will look forward to you all saying – 'Phoebe told us so!' For me, dreaming is what makes me tick, it’s what I live for. I live to do things other people wouldn’t do or don’t think I can do, because I’m that girl – the one who does things other people wouldn’t. Whether it’s jumping a pony round Badminton, jumping a gate one handed whilst videoing with the other hand or getting a 'scared of his own shadow' little ex race horse to think he is the best event horse to have ever walked the land. But I do those things for myself, because what makes me tick is what’s important to me.. Not what others think of what makes me tick…

Recently someone said to me that the power of the mind is an amazing thing. That same person also told me an amazing story about just how powerful the power of the mind can be, it reminded me of how I convince people I teach to jump fences they never thought they could. The reason I convince them is because I am convinced they can.

So do something for you, something that makes you tick.. If anyone questions you or tells you not to do something you want to.. Get rid of them, if people that are around you don’t believe in you it makes believing in yourself a whole lot harder. Just ask Custard…

Over and out.

P x x

Re-published with kind permission from Phoebe Buckley|Blog


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Planning for the future helps eventer, Phoebe Buckley deal with problems in the present!

So I am back... You all know how this works, pull up a chair, make a cup of tea...

It’s been so long since my last blog. Truth is that not much has happened in my boring life!! Hopefully, it will get a little more exciting now the event season is about to start.

Anyways… All I seem to be have been doing the last few months is working to pay legal bills. Now I won’t bore you all with my parents case but it is going well and their next (and hopefully final) trial is in the beginning of April so fingers crossed for then please!

A few months ago, whilst with friends, the topic of my parents case came up, and one friend said how in the 8/9 months he had known me he had seen a real change in me with the pressure of it all. His comments actually hit a nerve, he wasn’t being nasty... But he was right. I had felt the difference in myself other the summer. I could feel I wasn’t as happy go lucky, as funny or simply me. Because I’m saving as much money as I can, I haven’t been able to afford to do the things that make me Phoebe. I have a lovely horse called Custard who I wanted to get eventing, but I just couldn’t justify spending the money. Same with Colin - he has had a winter out because I have no time to hunt him because I am working as much as I can. Do I begrudge it? Hell no! My parents come first every time and we are winning. We will get there. But one thing I did have that I could afford this winter was my point to pointer, he kept me sane... With all this hard work I had to have something for me, God knows having him made my life even harder, I’m sure lots of you have seen the getting up at 4am galloping in the dark videos!! But I loved it... Then, just before Christmas and a week off a run, I lost him. I don’t mind saying it crushed me. I was working so hard for nothing... So I had to take a breather from it all, even the council stuff - (only a couple of weeks mind! Whilst I needed to clear my head, I didn’t want the council thinking I had given up!!!!)

And I’m back with a bang...

You see I’m selfish... Very selfish, hence being single! The idea of having to think of someone else before I do something is crazyness to me! But anyone who knows me will tell you that although I am selfish I will do anything to help anyone if I possibly can. In the month or so that I’ve restocked I have made a plan – I bloody love plans!! Whether it’s with the horses, for myself or for people I help.. I love plan, an aim, a goal... Realistic or not, it makes no odds!! It makes my world turn and my world turning is all that matters!! Because when my world is turning I am excited and when I’m excited I’m fun... And fun and exciting is what life is about isn’t it?

So here’s my plan!

Over the summer I will be knocking down and re building my yard at home. I have just got permission for a walker and school and I am re fencing paddocks as I write. I won’t be having a big yard at home as l love doing horses totally myself and I also love how things are and don’t want to change much, especially doing my teaching etc. It’s also very important to me I can still keep my trips to Scotland up as I have made life long friends there. But I would love to have say 7/8 horses at home. At the end of this year I also hope to buy a really smart young horse and maybe syndicate him or her out! In the winter I want to continue my job breaking in yearlings as I love that side and learn so much. But, I will also have a couple of pointer to pointers again- one will be my ladies horse, there’s unfinished business there! How will I afford all this? Well when we win against the council I will get all my costs back! :D That will be a nice starting pot for me.. Will I get all this done in the next 9/10 months? Who knows.. But I do know I have to have a dream, a plan.. It’s 2017 - going to be some year?! Phoebe Buckley eventing domination? Where are the olympics in 2020?

Phoebe jumping Little Tiger aka Frosty around Badminton

You see life is about dreams, whether that dream is building a yard, jumping around Badminton, or even jumping a filler you never thought you could...

Don’t ever become like me, treading water as I have, over the past few months.. Whatever you are doing in life have a goal, an aim and that aim and goal should be to do something totally for you... Be selfish – you want to do something? Go do it... Because, even just getting off your backside and trying to do it, will make your world turn a little quicker. And trust me, quicker equals more excitement.

I'm off to go pull up some fence posts. Boring? Nah... It’s making my world turn quicker, and my world turning quicker can only mean my dream, my aim, my goal will happen sooner... :D

Over and out…

P xx

Phoebe Buckley

 

 


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'I want to dedicate this blog to anyone who has cried when they shouldn’t.. Wipe your tears, because if the person who caused those tears isn’t wiping them for you, then your tears are wasted on them...'

A couple of weeks ago I got asked how I started riding and how I kept relevant. It got me thinking... Am I really relevant?

Lots of people won’t know that I didn’t actually start riding till very late. In fact, I didn’t have my first lesson until I was in my early teens - being from my background we always had ponies around and I used to ride them bareback, but I always wanted to ride ‘properly’ despite that going against everything I was brought up to do and be. You see I just couldn’t let this fascination with riding horses go... My parents thought I’d out grow the ‘riding ponies phase’ but I never did, and I left school at a very young age to ride/work with horses...

I left school partly because I was really badly bullied. I was not and won’t be the first or only kid to be bullied at school. Kids can be the cruelest things in the world... I guess, looking back right from that point my ‘tough’ skin was forming. You see, in my teenage years the thing I struggled with the most was that I didn’t fit in anywhere - everyone knows about my background and it’s nothing new, but I was brought up to not mix or talk with the ‘normal folk’ and here, I was not only mixing with them because of the horses but I was also enjoying there company... There were a few years in my mid to late teens were I mixed 50/50 with the gypsy community and the non gypsy community - I would go to a gypsy party or wedding and my own people wouldn’t try very hard to hide the fact I didn’t fit it. Same with normal folk - some were great, but some not so much.

The overwhelming feeling I have felt all my life is that I, in some way or shape, am letting someone down or not fitting it. Either I am not speaking correctly, am too outspoken or am being to honest. This isn’t a case of poor little Phoebe feeling sorry for herself, it’s how I feel. You see I am not a massively confident person, but I am a very assured person. I know when I have messed up, ridden well or said something I shouldn’t have and I’m happy to throw my hands up and be honest to everything I do or say. Good or bad...

I spent my early to mid 20’s dating someone totally toxic for me. He wasn’t a bad person, and I won’t slag him off as I’m not that type of person, but he was ashamed of my background and he would drum that fact in to me. Was he a bad person? No... Was he a bad person for me? Without doubt... Am I the first girl to be with the wrong type of bloke? Of course I’m not!! But he did rip my confidence to pieces, I remember him saying he was pleased I had a fall at one major event because I was getting to ‘big headed’.

I started to question everything I said and how I behaved... I had always thought that I was a fairly level headed, down to earth person but here, the person I loved, was telling me I wasn’t. So there it began – the beginning of Phoebe Buckley trying to be everything she wasn’t and everything she thought everyone else wanted her to be... For years I watched my P’s and Q’s in fear of not fitting in even more than I already didn’t. Then I went even further the other way, I used to pretend I was happy and didn’t mind the fact that people didn’t like me, that I didn’t fit in or that I didn’t have any friends. When in fact, I hated it, I hated that I had forgotten how to just be me. Some days I’d just cry because I hated not being comfortable in being me... Everything suffered and I truly believe I have not achieved half of what I would have achieved had I just been in a more settled place.

But hey ho, I wasn’t and I didn’t... Sadly that ship has sailed… For now…

A couple of years ago I started to find my feet, I was getting back to me...

Something happened. I started my trips to Scotland and wow.. I was given a shiny new start, I went there knowing that no one from Scotland had ever met me before. I promised myself on the first flight up that I was going to be 100% me... 100% Phoebe Buckley. If they didn’t want me to come back so be it, but to my amazement they all seemed to love me!!  My Scottish friends will never be able to understand the confidence they have and are giving me... I don’t soft soap any of them in my lessons, they fall off, I shout at them, I push them and above all I tell them when they have done a great job... So far they all seem to quite like the  real ‘Phoebe Buckley’.

Am I totally back to me? Nope... Not yet.

I still have wobbles when people say things, but when I do have those wobbles I try to remember to take a deep breath and I remind myself that those wobbles are the very reason I am relevant...

Because I'm human – I’ve had shit boyfriends, I’ve said things I shouldn’t, I’ve posted things on Facebook I wished I hadn’t, I’ve enjoyed success, I’ve ridden badly, I’ve ridden well,  I’ve cried when things have gone wrong or when I’ve lost horses... I’m honest to a fault, and I want people to know that the toughest of people still care what people think.

I have learnt the very hard way that worrying about what people think isn’t the problem. - It’s worrying about what the wrong people think is where the damage is done...

So from this day on, if someone says or does something that upsets you, just turn the page on them, never see any mistake you make as a step backwards... It’s a step sideways at worst - if you learn something from it then it’s still a step forwards, even if it’s only a small one.

I want to dedicate this blog to anyone who has cried when they shouldn’t.. Wipe your tears, because if the person who caused those tears isn’t wiping them for you then your tears are wasted on them...

Have a great Christmas everyone! And I hope 2016 brings you all everything you wish for.. Over and out…

P x x

Re-published with kind permission from Phoebe Buckley|Blog

 


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