British eventer Phoebe Buckley talks frankly about her coaching and the thinking behind it.
I am sure you are all wondering why the hell am I am back? Don’t worry you lot aren’t alone! I am asking myself the very same question as I sit hear headphones on, drinking coffee, trying to spell and grammar check as I write!!! Truth is I have missed writing. But that isn’t why I’m back… And this is very much a one off, I promise!!
It is very hard to believe I started writing blogs over 3 years ago and wrote my last blog nearly 7 months ago. The reaction my ramblings received from you amazing people blew my mind! From the blogs I have been offered work writing regular blogs and even articles for several magazines, crazy hey?!?!?
At the weekend I got asked about my coaching and my thinking behind the way I coach. I waffled on about some crap because I wanted to get off the subject of me. Those that know me well will be able to tell you that whilst I can tell a good story, I actually hate talking about me. Mostly because I am very uninteresting.. But also because I’ve learnt that you learn less from talking and more from listening, even if what you learn isn’t knowledge.
Sometimes what you learn about the person you are by listening to talk, is invaluable.
But having waffled on about some crap and swiftly getting off the subject of me, I couldn’t stop thinking about the thinking behind my coaching... What is it I do?
I know I have the reputation (please don’t think I am being arrogrant when I say this) of getting people and horses to achieve things they would never have believed was possible. But how? This is what I came up with and what I wished I had the courage to say at the weekend…
Its all about balance. In every sense of the word.
• The first thing I look for when I meet new people or horses is confidence, how do they carry themselves? Do they sit or stand square and do they look me in the eye with confidence? That’s the first balance I have to tip…
If the balance of confidence isn’t tipped towards the positive side you are fighting a losing battle. I often tell unconfident people who I am coaching, to look me in the eye whilst talking and to stop looking like an apology. - You won’t get very far in any walk of life without confidence. Full stop.
• Then I look at how brave they are, this balance is (IMO) the most important. Bravery comes in all forms, I’m not talking about someone who is gung ho and happy to gallop flat out everywhere! I’m talking about if someone/a horse is brave enough to listen and push themselves out of their comfort zone if I tell them to. If they will grab the bull by the horns and have a go.
• Then I move on to looking at their actual balance, you don’t have to be a great or even a good rider but if you have good balance and don’t interfere a horse can do its job. Some people naturally have it, some have to work at it.
• Then I go on to attitude, a good attitude is invaluable. A bad attitude is easily got rid of.. Either the person/horse changes it or they leave. Simples.
So there it is... My ground rules for not only coaching but LIFE.
Be confident, you’ll get nowhere in life not being confident. And if you aren’t confident, pretend you are and wing it. It’s what most people do.
Be brave, you’ll regret the times you weren’t brave far more than the times you’ll regret being brave. Trust me I know, this weekend I was on a bad stride to the last fence after a foot perfect round on the xc, every ounce of me screamed be brave, slip your reins and kick. I didn’t.. I wasn’t brave, I held on to nothing and hoped for the best.. And we fell.. Don’t be me, be brave.. Don’t fall and if you do fall, fall trying.
Have balance, life is about balance.. Sometimes it isn’t easy to manage, but practice makes perfect. Play as much as you work, it’s more important than you will believe.
Keep a check of your attitude and the attitude of people around you. If it isn’t good, change it or get rid. Nothing good came from having a bad attitude. Fact.
So remember life is to short to not be confident, not be brave, not have balance in your life or a good attitude… Oh and also bad sex, coffee, men and horses…